Beware, ladies and gentlemen, or brave citizens: this is the most boring, repetitive, and monotonous article you will ever read. If you want to keep reading, go ahead, but we are not responsible for serious brain damage caused by extreme rates of boredom. We are also not responsible for the awakening of your personal traumas, as they may be triggered by the topics contained herein.
Fasten your seatbelts, because we’re just getting started.
#10: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
We can’t argue. The lack of diversity is the main aspect of this article. Unfortunately, there is one poor bastard who is willing to continue writing. Oh no, that’s me. You touched my insecurity. Do not talk about it. Move on to the next item (the words are going to change your life!).
#9: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
In this one, we have zero innovation. Clearly a waste of time. According to research by MOI (My Opinion Institute), lack of innovation can lead to serious anger issues, and low brain activity, and please, Maria, if you’re reading this, let me see my daughter. I know you are very upset that I cheated on you with the beautiful woman (so much hotter than you, too bad I forgot her name. Sofia? Sonia?), but you can’t punish me like this. I love the girl, let me see her, I beg you. Consider this, or I’ll call the police. I will, really. God, why can’t I trust my own words?
#8: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
I just want to take a nap. Why do I have to keep writing this?
I’m kidding. I won’t take a nap, because I know exactly why I have to write the article. And I’ll sit at my desk and finish it RIGHT NOW.
#7: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
*muted alarm clock sounds and yawning sounds*
#6: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
It’s okay. I’m 100% sure you got the joke from item #9. And I swear, I really don’t want to make you suffer anymore for this insipid article. Please stop reading right now, for God’s sake. Speaking of divinity, if you love God and want to go to heaven, get out of here. If you love Satan’s muddy toes and want to smell the brimstone scent of him, read on.
Still not convinced? Maybe you just don’t believe in this god. Well, let’s see if I can do something about it.
If you love your sweet little mother, get out of here. If you don’t love her, read on.
#5: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
You are such a bold person. But are you sure you don’t love your mother? Well, maybe she’s a bad woman. Assuming you have a mother, of course. Or two mothers. Or maybe even two parents. Or a single parent.
I think she should shut me up. Sometimes I tell people, but now I tell myself.
#4: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
You’re at element #4, so I think it’s time to explain some important things. You deserve it more than anyone because you are the strongest person in the world.
I really want to make money from this article, but I have to write at least fifteen hundred words, and I’m currently at three hundred and sixty-three words. So if you’re willing to stay here, I have nothing to offer you (actually, I never did). Now, check out the lyrics to Rap God, by Eminem.
*cricket sounds*
Change of plans. I don’t know much about copyright and stuff, but what I do know is that adding those letters here doesn’t sound legal. If I’m doing this to make money, it probably means I’m not in a position to pay for the rights to the song. Instead of Rap God, read a short story about my cats.
I have three cats. I used to like them a lot, but taking care of cats is exhausting and now I’m not so sure about all this love I was supposed to feel. It doesn’t change the fact that I have to take care of them until they die, or until they kill me. The second possibility is more likely to occur, not only because I have a very high chance of getting killed due to some small details of my life, but also because cats have nine lives and I don’t. I don’t know why I think so, but it seems real enough.
Let’s keep talking about the three fluffy balls made of bitterness and regret. The older boy is actually a girl. Her name? I won’t say it, because it’s ULTRA embarrassing. The middle one is called Junior Jr. and he’s also a girl, and the youngest one is a boy and his name is Jasper Leonardo Bagheera. Yes, the name Jasper is because I saw Twilight. I do not recommend it. But normally I don’t recommend people to do what I do, due to some small details (as I said before), so if you want to see it, go for it. That is not one of my problems.
#3: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
I think I shared more than necessary about my personal life in the description of the last article. Forget this.
But now, LISTEN TO THIS. I’M DESPERATE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ONCE I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE. RIGHT NOW, THINGS ARE REALLY DANGEROUS IN THIS ARTICLE. DON’T BE A RECKLESS PIECE OF SHIT, BECAUSE SOONER OR LATER, YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF DROWNING IN REGRET. IF YOU STILL WANT TO HAVE A FUNCTIONAL BRAIN, IT’S TIME TO GO.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE???? OH, MOTHER OF JESUS, YOU ARE MORE FOOLISH THAN YOU THINK.
#2: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
Okay ♥. The last tip didn’t work because you lost the ability to read. Repetition starved your brain. Oh, God, I warned you, friend. I am so sorry. Now, you’re a drooling mess on the floor, and this is my fault (not entirely mine, I won’t lie).
Wow, I’m almost at the last article! Good job Thay!
#1: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles
Finally, this is the last element. I’m not sure if I should be happy about that, because I had destroyed someone else’s brain.
Well, I don’t mind at all, so I’m still happy to finish it.
Hasta la vista baby! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I give you a C, and then an O
Another O, and then an L
What does it spell?
COLD!!!!!
This doesn’t make sense, but it’s not supposed to. Just imagine a bunch of cheerios dressed in red clothes and waving red, puffy things. it gets better
Buddy? You’re reading this?
A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE! OH GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! I AM VERY HAPPY THAT YOU ARE WELL! VERY HAPPY!!!!!
*Damn, damn, damn*
~~~~~~~~ THE END~~~~~~~~
No, this is not the end. There are some words to go. I HATE BUREAUCRACY.
But I did find some royalty-free songs with lyrics (I think). Listen to this:
SOME OF THOSE DAYS
Shelton Brooks 1910
as rec by Sophie Tucker with Ted Lewis & His Orch
November 23, 1926, New York
also rec for-
Ella Retford 1910
Sophia Tucker ’11
Bernie Kreuger and his Orch from him ’22
The Original ’23 Dixieland Jazz Band
The Call of the North Orch ’23 by Art Landry
Fletcher Henderson and his Orch ’27
The original five from Indiana ’27
Ethel Waters ’27
Bill Haid and the Cubs of him ’28
Ray Miller and his Orch ’29
Red Nichols and the nickel from him ’29
The Coon-Sanders Nighthawks ’20’s
Dave Nelson and The King’s Men ’31
Frankie Trumbauer and his Orch ’32
The fifth of the Hot Club de France ’35
George Formby ’39
Jack Hylton and his Orch ’30s
Billie vacation ’56
Louis Armstrong and his All-Stars ’56
Russ Conway ’58
Teresa Brewer with Luther Henderson and his Orch ’62
Susan Maughan ’62
Sue Rainey with Ralph Carmichael and his ’63 Orch
The King Brothers ’67
Tony Bennett ’72
Ella Fitzgerald ’73
Cab Calloway and his killer whale
Rosemary Clooney,
Lorne Lesley
Annette Warren
some of those days
You’ll miss my darling;
some of those days
You will be so lonely!
You will miss my hugs
You will miss my kisses
you’re gonna miss me, baby
When I’m away
I feel so lonely
Just for you,
‘Cause you know, darling,
You’ve always gotten away with it;
and when you leave me
You know it’s going to hurt
I’m going to miss your big fat mama,
Your mom, one of these days!
Some of these days-ay-ays
You’ll miss me, darling;
some of those days
You will be so lonely!
You will miss my hugs
You will miss my kisses
Oh you’re gonna miss me, baby
When I’m away
I feel so lonely
Just for you,
‘Cause you know, darling,
You’ve always gotten away with it;
and when you leave me
You know it’s going to hurt
I’m going to miss your big fat mama,
Your mom, one of these days!
(Contributed by Peter Akers – November 2009)
Thank you for reading. *clap your hands*
