Lifestyle

Raising children alone: everything that awaits us

Raising children alone is a decision that can be made at will or because this is how the experience of motherhood was lived. From the death of the couple to the irresponsibility of an absent father, can lead a mother to fully assume the upbringing of the children.

Raising children alone

It is not easy to raise children alone. It is a challenge. However, there have always been women who raise and educate their children alone. There are millions who have managed to raise happy and beloved children, who become fulfilled and fulfilled adults and are happy.

Raising children alone: an important decision

Motherhood is a wonderful stage in the life of women but at the same time complex. If you have the support of the couple, you can make the road more bearable, but it is not always the case. A toxic relationship is not the best example for children. There are many women who decide to continue with their pregnancies despite having broken with the father of the baby.

Raising children alone

There are also women who have been abandoned by irresponsible men. Although the option of being single mothers might not be in their plans when they started the relationship, they assume with love and courage the challenge of raising their children alone.

On the other hand, women who decide to resort to artificial insemination to achieve the dream of being mothers are becoming more frequent. They are disappointed in relationships with men or have not found the right partner and the biological clock tells them that it is time.

The challenges of raising children alone

If you have decided to raise children alone now you are a single-parent family. The absence of the father does not have to stigmatize your children. There will be problems but they can be solved. It is up to you to grow up as healthy, loved and happy children.

Without a doubt, it is more difficult than being accompanied, but it is not impossible. The basic recommendations for you to organize your role as a single mother are:

Organize your support network

Most likely, you are not totally alone. Think and organize who are the people who will accompany you in pregnancy, delivery, and baby care. Your parents, brothers, cousins ​​or friends are your support network.

If your partner left the responsibility with you and your child, avoid letting yourself be carried away by the despondency. Surely, you will find in your environment, more than one person that makes you happy the idea that you will be a mother and is willing to support you in whatever is within your reach.

Some will support you in more complex tasks, others in simpler aspects, but each contribution, however small, helps you to make the difficulties lighter.

Organize your work, your time and your budget

All expenses associated with the maintenance of your children run on your own, so there is no room for improvisation. You will juggle to attend to your children, fulfill your work commitments, and be a mother.

You must procure a job that is compatible with the fact that you are responsible for your children: take them and bring them to the nursery or school, do homework, take them to the doctor, and a long etcetera.

Raising children alone

Also, your income must cover the budget you need to cover all the basic needs: medical care, food, clothing, education, and recreation.

You must organize your agenda without being overwhelmed. Everything in its time, that there is room for responsibilities and for fun. And it includes an important amount of patience for when things do not go as planned.

Prepare for the big question

Avoid taking you by surprise when they ask you about your son’s father. It does not make sense that you have a bad time or, worse, that your son is affected by it.

If you made the decision to make artificial insemination you have to be able to speak it naturally, the same one that you will use the day it is your turn to tell your children what their origin is.

If your partner left you or died, you should talk about it without being overwhelmed by the mixed feelings. It will take your time, but you will come to give that answer without pain or anger. Remember that many times you have to talk about the father of your children, especially themselves.

Avoid discrediting or blaming

If you had an unfortunate relationship with the father of your child, avoid that feeling of frustration, anger or resentment invade you and lead you to blame your children. They are not responsible for the couple’s relationship not working.

Your children have the right to know their origins and you have the duty to give them the most accurate and neutral information possible. Avoid influencing negative postures in your children towards their father. Even if it’s hard to recognize: that man is responsible for 50% of your children’s lives.

Let them know the truth about their origin and make decisions that they deem appropriate for themselves. This is especially important for children conceived by artificial insemination. Sooner or later they will ask who or where their dad is.

Cultivate forgiveness

It’s easy to say, but it’s certainly not that easy to forgive an absent father. It is a process that takes time. First, you say “I forgive you”, much later it will be that you become aware that you have managed to forgive.

Raising children alone

If your partner died or if he abandoned you, you should not only forgive him, but also yourself. At any time, it may happen that you feel guilty about what happened. You decided to have a child with that person and it was he who gave you the wonderful opportunity to be a mother, so go, forgive yourself.

To the same extent that you can forgive, you can help your child activate their own forgiveness mechanisms. Forgiveness is a great expression of love, the one that unites you and cultivates with your son, which is the most important thing.

Seek specialized support

A super mom is not the one who can with everything. It is the one that recognizes when you need help. If you need to seek psychological help so you and your children can overcome the father’s absence, do so.

Beyond that there are strong reasons to harbor dark feelings, that does not help at all for your personal well-being and that of your children. Family therapy can help them understand and solve emotional gaps.